Bored Haiku

Without the Nation
we are bored and maybe drunk
Haiku hide the blah….

women surround me
it’s my birthday once again
whenever I choose

I miss my journal
too much to say without voice
fade to black cut scene

fun with game today
the sin is back to playing
the soul will fly caged

*close second*

truth bleeds into lies
the sun cannot chill but sets
everyday the same

*my favorite*

what’s beneath the sighs
are the words that go unsaid
saying what we mean

dark todays are here
silent tomorrows whisper
do not forget us

romeo felt it
the sting burns as it consumes
the fire grows inside

*so should not be reading HST(I can’t believe so many people don’t know who Hunter S. Thompson was…UGH) right now. LOL*
first buy the ticket
the ride chooses the rider
remember hold on

dreams are made of it
nightmares betray its secret
in truth there is peace

the mortals folly
believing in a kind God
but He knows the truth

the answer is yours
the question gives me comfort
the journey was ours

failing faster now
regrets reshape my future
in time atrophied

*this one goes with my new header image*
withered over time
my soul battles my demons
I fear the war lost

assign me all faith
arrogance of man prevails
give birth to the end

importance of self
more important than others
my truth writes itself

acquire the ends
and justify all the means
to prove that you can

Fuck it… I’m going to bed. The other forty of these motherfuckers will just continue to rattle in my head until I start writing at a reasonable hour. LOL

Shifting The Scales

So I’ve decided how the next several days are to go:

1) Crawl into hole…

2) Anyone who tries to enter said hole loses a thumb at the very least…

3) God *theirs, not mine* help anyone that tries to talk to me Wednesday…

4) Emerge from said hole Thursday refreshed ready to leave the last four months behind me…

5) UFC 67 at Woodrows on Saturday *Gotta C-note on Rampage by KO*

6) Take care of my niece all day Sunday while cooking and watching the SuperBowl *going Double or Nothing on an old bet…Taking the Colts. I really don’t want to buy everyone dinner at Houston’s twice LOL*

oh and before I forget….

7) Call The Talker and inform her I’m not coming back because I finally figured out that I liked who I was before Sept 22, 2006. I finally realized that it wasn’t a mask; I just wanted it to be.

When You’ve Seen It All Through My Eyes

*smiling introspectively*

*last second change to what I had previously decided to write about*

When I look back on it all, I can’t help but laugh. I’m exhausted. Last evening went on forever until approximately seven A.M. As you can see, my definition of forever is quite finite.

I drove to Waco to help surprise my father for his 60th birthday party. His birthday was Wednesday. I was the youngest person at the party by about 20 or so years, give or take. I was not ready for the spectacle of the event, but I will not bore you with those details. Suffice it to say that I wish I had taken my camera otherwise this story is just not worth telling with words.

I headed back to the aTx at around 8:30 in order to make it back for several parties. Three parties total, but I was not able to make them all. Although I tried, I could not steer my group over to DoL’s party. I spent most of my night trying to get from 5th and Lavaca over to 4th and Colorado. Several lanes were closed and it took forever to make it to a valet. I eventually arrived to Suga’s birthday party at Red Fez at approx. 11:30pm. Consuming copious amounts of alcohol was foremost on my mind. Once that was accomplished I proceeded to mingle and dance…well as much as you can in Red Fez. Shortly after I arrived I began a movement to get out of small dance floor hell and get over to Six Lounge. This indeed is where the magic happened.

At first I couldn’t get in the back door and I was rather upset about that. I decided to retrieve my car from the valets, but DON SWARLINI called and informed me that I would not be going home. We were going to head over to Tambeleo for DoL’s birthday party, but several phone calls from a couple of people inside SL and a text msg from Aisha convinced me that I should stay downtown.

At this point a diversion needs to take place. It has been hypothesized that LHN.com going down has been an omen . A sign if you will. Take from it what you will, but wow it’s time to take a look at the people I choose to spend my time with these days. It cannot be the way every weekend goes. I shouldn’t…I won’t deal with people that drink so much that they are not capable of taking care of themselves. It all just seems ludicrous to me. The word for the day is moderation. That may sound weird coming from me, but I would like to think of my days of extreme excess as a thing of the past. As with everything, time will tell. I will now return you to your regularly scheduled musing…

So I never got to see Aisha which was a MAJOR disappointment as she’ll be leaving for “the Raq”(Iraq) soon and that makes me sad. I wish I would have been in a better mood, but braving Sixth STREET is not high on my list of things to do when I’m out. So I met up with DON SWARLINI and cut line to make our way inside and join the crew. In retrospect, I should have gone someplace else. Sometimes I forget that drunk people do not understand me even when I am being as perspicuous and succinct as I can. “Bitch!!! Quit grabbing me”, seems rather clear to me, but to drunk people it must sound like, “Keep grabbing me while I’m dancing with someone else even though A) I don’t like you like that and B) Your man is right there with you”. LOL Apparently what I meant was a little lost in translation. Please be aware that it was not a knee-jerk reaction, but an appropriate response fostered by a night of cock blocking by many of the women that were in our crew. It was one of the most annoying nights I’ve had in a while and that’s saying a lot with what I’ve gone through here lately. LOL

There were a few good things to happen though. I met several old, really great friends by coincidence. At the time I may have been dancing in front of a crowd screaming, “It’s my birthday too!!!”. None the less, some people were still a little out of their depth in dealing with their alcohol issues and THE SNIPER made and appearance. Maybe one day I should explain some of my inside jokes, but if you ever see someone in the club fall you might want to check the rafters for THE SNIPER. He hangs around downtown firing rubber bullets at people as they try and navigate steps forcing them to ignore their desire to remain vertical and make them horizontal in the least amount of time possible. Watching THE SNIPER work is one of the joys of going out. He dropped several people last night and I never even saw a reflection of his scope or a muzzle flash. Simply put, THE SNIPER is good. One shot, one fall every time.

Hmmm… The story should stop here. Really why should it continue? There isn’t much else to tell. Around 2:30am I arrived at Suga’s for the after party. His friends from out of town were hilarious and lots of stories were shared. Around five A.M. I

*why was I woefully aware that there was a RoadHouse 2??? There is so much that I’ve missed out on my life….LOL*

Anyway, around five A.M. I finally made it over to Dani’s place for her house closing party. They were still up hanging out. I wasn’t there long, but I’m sure that I managed to leave my indelible mark on the evening for them. And that my friends was the end of a long evening…well, as far as you know.

Franklin says ’sup

Dept. Of Mergers & Acquisitions

DILATED PEOPLES

“This Way”
(feat. Kanye West)

 

[Kanye West + (Choir)]
Now turn it up, (a little louder) turn it up (a little louder)
Turn it uuuuup, (a little louder) turn it up (little louder)
Now turn it up (can’t live my, I, I can’t live my)
(I can’t live my, I, I can’t live)
Now turn it up, turn it up

[Evidence]
I, I can’t live my, can’t live my
Yeah, yo I can’t live my I, I can’t live my
Life this way, continually really get high
Instead of runnin ’round, lock one bird down
It’s a new day gotta do it big just to get right
Show no respect can’t live that way
You hold my check can’t live that way
Without my chick on deck, can’t live that way
They say what they like, but I’ve been that way
Our moves calculated through the limbs, almost here
Succes will be the best revenge
Man, from Clint East’ to Kanye West (whut up, whut up!)
The sun can’t chill but everyday it sets (everyday!)

[Chorus - Male Choir + (Female Choir)]
This time I made up my mind
This time I’m back on my grind
I know there’s things in my life
That I’ma let go startin tonight
(I can’t live my, I, I can’t live my)
(I can’t live my, I, I can’t live my)
I can’t live my, I, I can’t live my
I can’t live my this way (can’t live my, I, I can’t live my)
This way (I can’t live my, I, I can’t live my)
This way, I can’t live my, I, I can’t live my
I can’t live my life this way

[Kanye West]
Kanye to the
My favorite girl wanna leave just because I got a girlfriend
My freak girl told me “now, she a christian”
My white girl wanna move back to Michigan
I’m pullin girls off the bench like a “sixth-man”
I’m in the club doin the same ol’ two step
While Omega’s doing the same ol’ “Q step”
I have my money on my mind I was thinkin green
She a pledge A.K.A. “she was pink and green”
I wanna a good girl she want a gentleman
We sayin’ the same thing like a synonym
I wasn’t really spittin game I was scrimmagin’
My pimpinship’s so hard it needs censorship
I’ma chicagoan till Chicago ends
Till we blow like Chicago wind
I don’t know what’s better, gettin laid or gettin paid
I just know when I’m gettin one, the other’s gettin away
This way

[Chorus]

[Rakaa Iriscience]
Go ‘head, flip a coin so the game can start
Believe I know the drama keep name apart
I learnt before the hot flame came the spark
It’s like ‘fore the pop fame came the park
But this industry’ll play with yo’ life man
They playin with yo’ rent, food, water and lights man (yeah)
That’s why Rakaa brings that old tidy T jam
The veteran, then I’m off to Amsterdam
To rest up for strength to deal with this weight
To deal with these deals to deal with this hate
I dedicate this Jam Master Jay
Run-DMC showed me how to walk, this way

[Chorus]

[Kanye West & Rakaa speak in Outro]

Jumpee Guest Blog #6

In a time before there was time, I was a different person. Truthfully I was mostly who I am today, but the decisions I made were not tempered with the age and experience that I have acquired since. I was, to put it bluntly, an asshole. But enough about me, this is story is about a couple that lives happily ever in spite of a plot to destroy their engagement. Who, might you ask, was behind this nefarious plot? Why, you’re good friend Jumpee….

*audible gasp from the audience*

Maybe I should begin with my second favorite book of all time: Bring Me The Head of Prince Charming. My favorite book of course being: The Monstor at the End of This Book… That Grover… He just didn’t want me to turn the page again, but I wouldn’t listen. I was so precocious and…wait, what…oh yeah. So in BMtHoPC, the demon Azzie Elbub tries to prove that the whole happily ever after fairy tale is a myth. He sets in motion a sleeping beauty fairy tale with all of the pieces built and rigged by him a la Frankenstein. Azzie was determined to prove the myth a failure, yet fails miserably. In him, however, I had my muse.

My best friend is Chris. As long as I’d known him, he was engaged to Erin. However as they got closer to the date of their impending nuptials, I was seeing less and less of my wingman, my com padre, my best friend. During those days I was consumed with the power of being a local club celebrity at Polly Esthers. You think I’m cocky now….LOL So I thought if I made my case, my best friend would realize the mistake of getting married and come to his senses. Together we could have ruled the Austin club scene. Sadly *at the time* this was not the case. Chris had decided to get maried at the young age of 24 and RUIN all of MY partying. Then I remembered Azzie.

*maniacal laughter, fade to black and director shouts CUT*

All I needed was a plan. I had to break up this senseless marriage and return my best friend to his rightful spot along side me at the bars picking up random women. The plan I settled on was simple. How could a woman love a man that would openly lie to her? *experience has since taught me that this is a common occurrence.. LOL* But how to do it…?

Like many couples, Chris and Erin had a few wedding registries around town. There were the normal housewares and the such on the list, but nothing his guy friends would get him. So I got all of our friends together and said we should get Chris something from HIS friends like a xbox. Our mutual friends were all for it, so now my plan was in motion. Chris and I worked together and one day as we were goofing off at work playing Quake, I informed him that I wasn’t going to get him any of that…. I believe the words I used at the time were, “punk ass shit from that registry that I know you don’t want”. I told him that we would buy him a xbox, xbox Live and some games….all he had to do was go create a *quotation fingers* SECRET *quotation fingers* registry that Erin didn’t know about and we would be happy to purchase these items for his wedding. The next day at lunch, the registry was uploaded onto Target.com. LOL

Now here is where it gets funny. Fast forward until about a month away from the wedding. Chris is at his parents house with his wife-to-be cooking dinner. Everything is going fine until Erin’s phone rings. Chris at the time thinks nothing of it and continues cooking as Miss Erin goes into the computer room. He couldn’t see what was going on, but then Erin calls for Chris’ mom to come look at something. HAHAHAHAHAHA Chris stays in the kitchen minding his own business and then he hears the words, “Hey Chris, do you know anything about a registry for us on Target.com?” *I didn’t mean for him to lie to his mom too…* Now even I would have had to fess up to my mom, but Chris stayed strong. *idiot…LOL* “No ma’am”, he says. It had their wedding date, both of their names and all of these XBOX games. Erin and his mom both come into the kitchen and Chris is trapped. Finally he confesses that JUMPEE made him do it. I think his ears are still ringing from that tongue lashing

*I still can’t believe he sold me out… that’s why the mafia is falling apart now; no loyalty. sheesh*

Apparently this still wasn’t enough to get Erin and Chris to break up and I’m thankful for that every day.

*takes a shot at softening the blow of how much of a dick he used to be by including pictures of babies….LOL*

Because without their marriage Erin, Chris and I wouldn’t be such great friends today and I wouldn’t have the most beautiful niece in the world…

Kaleigh McKenzie

Homework

I’m sitting here a week before the day and almost nothing has changed for me. One thing has though; I know none of this was my fault. I will not allow myself to continue to pay for the things you did for the rest of my life. It hurts to even write this, but you were wrong and I know that much now. I need you to know that one truth and everything I do going forward will start with that statement: I was not wrong, you were. You robbed me of my ability to trust anyone. It’s too precious a gift that I have long been without. I was doomed to a life filled with anger and devoid of compassion. For so many years I tried to find an exit and failed, but this time I will not allow failure to be an option. I will succeed in letting go of the bizarre affectations that characterize all of my relationships. I will embrace the fear that accompanies letting go and I will actually find the strength to trust. I don’t know how, but I will learn…and maybe one day I will learn how to forgive. I will learn to let go of regret, feel the pain when I remember, embrace the grief for my past and walk into the sun. So I’m sitting here today a week before the day and almost nothing has changed…then again, there’s always tomorrow.

What I’m Feeling Tonight

Lupe Fiasco says it better right now

Lust… sometimes can override trust
She said that’s why she gave it up
My man said blood spilled out of everything he touched
He crushed everything he crushed
Ruined everything he loved, he just wanted to rush
Blamed it on the times bein rough
Doin dirt, with the devil, chasin after the dust
Make a fuss, if it’s them, but we hush, if it’s us

Day 1: Turn The Page

I’ve had two really shitty days. Two really really shitty days, but like always I kept it all to myself. Although some of it has been all worth it. Everything I’ve been through has made me who I am and led me to the decisions I make. Always making the same one hasn’t been working. It’s time to start over…

It’s been real.

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

-Sydney J. Harris

day 0: the key and the sword

I wasn’t gonna write this, but I just found my ending. at my twin brothers after party. I am so fucked up. really fucked up. posting from my phone.

there is a key
there is a sword
a tough decision lies ahead
made
*another shot of crown*
I will finally tell the truth just once
its what I WANT to do
what I have to
maybe I just want to acquire
*beer shot*
this has been a documentary
shawns about to throw up…lol

Believe In Trust

The orange tree grows because you trust that it will. Before your eyes it blossoms as you believe. Mine is slight of hand and twist of fate. I am a charlatan, a faker. Everything you have seen has been an illusion. I offer you the truth but once.

What do I want?

nothing