St. Patrick’s Day…Epic Style

This will be the last Jumpee for a while. I just need a break to recharge the ol’ batteries.

As all great stories do, this all began with an idea: How do you embarrass a friend so that even random passerbys will recognize the awesomeness they’ve just seen? I worked on that idea for the weeks leading up to St. Patrick’s Day. You see, I have this friend named Patrick aka B’ster and I feel that every St. Patty’s Day is an opportunity to enjoy a wee little bit of fun with the ol’ chap. Last year was no different, but it ended up being just the start of what became the most EPIC St. Patrick’s Day EVAR (until Saturday that is).

There were brainstorming sessions with my other best friend Chris aka DUB. You will remember Dub from such great stories as, “Jumpee tried to break up your wedding”, or that fine adventure, “We got lost at Kyle Field and all I got was this video” and lest we forget my favorite and why I call him DUB, “Spinning the Spinners”. But I digress, DUB and I were looking at a way to play a nice practical joke on the third member of our little triumvirate, B’ster. So I sat around for weeks with DUB hypothesizing on what would embarrass him the most. I can’t even remember why this became a need, but somehow it began to border on obsession. And then it dawned on me… I have untold amounts of photos of B’ster doing the silliest shit imaginable and it was time to unleash my plan unto the world. We would get t-shirts made consisting of the greatest picture of all:

B’ster being kissed by two drunk and somewhat unattractive chicks from Mardis Gras. Honestly…look at that one chick licking him…how could this not be made into a t-shirt… LOL

*Fast Forward to St. Patty’s Day…well…day*

So DUB and I head down to Fado’s Irish Pub outdoor festival with our t-shirts concealed beneath our regular shirts and waiting to ambush B’ster with our awesome joke. But whilst we wait for that to happen, we do what people do for St. Patty’s Day…drink until you can see the Irish in everyone. So as we are drinking I run into my twin brother Shawn aka Tyrone *fyi, not my real brother and my twin name is Jyrone…don’t ask* and my used to be favorite Aggie Jules Verne. As you can see from this picture:

we were fucking hammered. Hell, Tyrone looks like Jon Arbuckle from Garfield and Jules Verne is just out of her mind. I love those two. *I’m sure they will make another appearance this year as well*

At some point during the evening DUB and I actually gain favor with the staff that is working the gates at our end of the festival. Apparently they were listening in on our conversations and thought we were hilarious. Next thing I know I’m taking pictures with the staff and convincing them that I should be allowed to card people. All of a sudden, I have official badges and am telling people that if you buy me a beer, you can cut in line. This young lady, Vera I believe her name was, decided that I shouldn’t take bribes as it might incite a riot or two.

She was really cool and I have no idea why I was making that face.

*moment of inspiration*

Yeah…that face was totally uncalled for in this case. Oh wait, now I remember. Of course, I was really drunk. I was informed that this guy with an overly manicured beard that looked too much like that guy from Backstreet Boys was hitting on my married friend DUB and told him that he, DUB, was cute and that he, overly manicured bearded guy, would like to buy DUB a beer once he got inside the festival. I can’t remember if DUB ever got that drink, but I never let him forget that it was offered. And I asked DUB what would he do if the guy really bought him a drink and DUB says, “I guess I’d have to let him grab my ass, right?!?” Okay, that last part was a lie, but DUB said he didn’t have any trouble accepting a beer with no intent on putting out…LOL Me and Tyrone kept making jokes about DUB knowing what it must be like to be a girl at the bar now. HAHAHAHAHA

Around this time B’ster shows up…with his GIRLFRIEND!!! Could this be anymore perfect? No, it couldn’t. Now we don’t have any actual documentation of the actual flashing, but here is the finished product of the t-shirts:

*will be wearing this shirt again on Saturday*

Now here is when this thing got right and out of control. If you will remember back last year, they were out promoting a little movie called Nacho Libre. Last St. Patty’s Day, there were all these awesome costumed street team members handing out Nacho Libre postcards. I got my postcards, but drunk Jumpee also had to get a couple of photos:

*notice the B’ster shirt under the badges that let me work the gates*

And what’s better than Uno Luchadore….

DOS…. DOS LUCHADORES!!!!!

The evening was already bordering on EPIC, but this next story is gory yet offensive. Now first, the portapotty situation is disgusting. By the end of the night, they were overflowing and you kind of had to shoot a 3-point shot into the toilet and just hope to avoid the splash. Thankfully, the alcohol had rendered me unable to care about such issues associated with continued drinking. So here I am walking out of the portapotty and for some reason EVERYONE is looking in my direction. Now this isn’t something that I’m unfamiliar with, but the guys jaws were dropping and the women were looking in disgust…quite the opposite reaction that I’m used to mind you. So I turn around and see DUB wielding my camera and what do I see…but this:

That’s my friend Charlos, who throws the greatest after parties known to man, standing in front of the pedi-cab driver that hopped the fence, dropped trou and began to handle her business for ALL OF THE FADO’S TENT PARTY-GOERS TO SEE!!! She was so…so…. so, gangsta, is the only word to come to mind. The lines were, “too long to wait”, she said. I’m still glad DUB was sober enough to get some pictures of the whole event as it went down.

All in all it was a great evening. Luckily I took enough pictures as I had to go to work the next day at 4AM. Why lucky you say…? Well my old boss had one rule; you can be as late to work as you want on Saturdays, but you better have someone cover for you, plenty of pictures and an EPIC story…

*actual picture taken at 6am the next day*

And there was no way I would have made it into work the next day with my whole world looking this fuzzy, so I’m glad this story is as EPIC as I could have hoped.

Peafe Nation