I’m getting good at forgetting. Some days I have to try really hard and it comes or rather they go easily away into the ether. They are the memories of which I speak… those hard to forget good times that tug and pull until you can’t help but remember; sadly, those are exactly what I would choose to forget.
This year was easier than most until I remembered and then, as always, it all fell apart. The absence. There were several days where the feeling that something was amiss stood out like the need to brush your teeth after an all night drinking and cigar binge, yet I was successfully able to defeat my subconscious. Hyperbole and overestimation maybe, but at least it felt like it all came apart. Deep down I prayed that my will to forget would overshadow the need to remember, to cope and to heal… at least for one more day, month, year.
The malaise that gripped me began to tighten without my knowledge. People outside of myself saw, yet diligently I tried to forget. Until today when she helped me remember and release the pent up flood of emotion that left me weeping at the thoughts that soften the truth that cannot be softened. So I go on forgetting the good with the bad and maybe next year I will win the right to forget.
Damn, I really need to write something funny…
